I'm sorry, call me anti-romantic but right after she says that she's like "Goodbye!" The summer has started and been kicking for a while. So far I've
turned 18(yea),
worked, hung out with friends, started and quit as a nanny, all very exciting. But I've noticed that since I have a lot of time on my hands, and I am not used to this that

I haven't been giving God the time He deserves, I've been pulling a Rose.

"God I'll never let go! Never! Oh wait something shiny."   

I want these posts to be real and not fluff, so I'm going to be real. I started to feel really dry and just sad. I wasn't in the Word every day and really just
not focused on WHO I need to be focused on. I realized that even though I felt attacked I was still able to put on the "church"charm. The instant smile and know exactly what words to say to make people happy and I hate that feeling. I almost feel like because I am going on this trip
I have to be 100% "Go God!" 100% of the time. Like there is pressure to be solid and strong always. But I want to be real. I realized that not being in the Word and putting God and our relationship on the back burner I was just down. Seriously this amount of time was a couple of days, but just ignoring or saying "I'm too tired to read my Bible tonight" a couple times, I let the devil get a foothold on my attitude. Last night I was able to go to church and just recognize that

God needs to be my priority not because of this trip but because I love Him.

Just seeing how quickly my attitude changed really made me realize
how much joy in my life comes from Christ. I am happiest when I'm talking about Him with other people. I was hanging out with some friends, most that I had met at church that night and I was talking to one of them about the beauty of Christ. He said how cool he thinks it is that

God can see before and after

. He knows when and how we are going to hurt Him but He still loves us.

T


hat's like saying I know my friend is going to stab me in the back in a month, but I still love her. I can't wrap my mind around that. It was so encouraging just to be reminded that
 

God knows my heart and He sees me in the ugliest and most beautiful states and yet He continues to draw me back.

Imagine punching someone and instead of them running they grab you, bring you closer and love you just the same. I don't understand God and I think that is one of the reasons

He is so beautiful.

"I'll never let go Chelsea! I mean never. I can see before and after and my hands aren't moving."

Lord, thank you for always drawing me/us back. Thank you for not letting go. Thank you for always reminding me of your beauty and your grace. I love you.